Maria’s

56 days to go.. I am really curious. Will you come early, ontime, or will you take your time ? Considering your movements I would think you cant wait to kick yourself out. A bit of impatience he..he.. Mommy will go to Medan on June 5th for check up and maybe look for a doc who can make 4D USG.. So one day u will see how u looked like when u were in Mommy’s tummy.

On June 1st moms maternity leave will begin, mommy will be able to enjoy you more and have more time with papi..

Its so nice feeling you moving around inside me..

In plus minus 63 days we might have seen u for the first time.. geez how fast the days pass by.. Can’t hardly wait. On the other hand, I am already very used to having you in my tummy, feeling you move.. Everytime I wake up at night I try to feel you and if u dont move I am a bit concerned but the usually you do move and I can continue my sleep peacefully, knowing that u r doing fine. The same thing happens in the morning if I wake up.. I will lay still for a couple of minutes just trying to feel you..

Dad is excited too, sometimes worried how he could handle everything once u are born but we are optimistic.

This Christmas will be unforgettable. My belly doesnt look very pregnant yet but knowing that something is growing in there brights up my days. If everything goes as expected, our little family will consist of 3 family members on christmas next year… hopefully irwan will be able to make it next year, to celebrate christmas with us. I have been spending 5 Christmas’ with him, this year is my first christmas without him but it is also my first chrismas in Surabaya with mom..
So everyone : Merry Christmas !

Can’t describe how happy I am .. 1 more working day, 1 day off in Banda Aceh and then… heading back to Surabaya over Christmas and New Year. One black spot is the fact that Irwan is not coming along but someone has to take care on the ruko n cafe.

Gonna be my first pregnant christmas !

Its my first weekend knowing that you exist.. and I am looking forward to it. Daddy still haven’t got a clue,  I save the good news till the right time has come. U are still so small and invisible but I already love u very much..

Now since I know that u r with me, I will not be alone anymore, at least not in the next couple of months and knowing this fills me with warmth and great hapiness and gives me the feeling of peace.. First I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t dare to believe that it was true, that you really came, it was just too beautiful to be true, but now I am very certain and I KNOW that you are with me and I already love you very very much.. please stay with us, be our, accompany us through the tough days which might come in the future, I will do all I can and give my best to take care of you..I am looking forward to the coming months where we will be together anywhere, at any time, knowing that you are with me no matter where and when I am…trust me.

Luv can be such a mistery..

I agree with what forrest gump said bout life, but I would change the word life into luv.. so Luv is like a box of chocolate, u never know what comes next.

In my past there was a bunch of men I admired but none of them was even slightly interested in me. Often felt like the ugly duckling, and on real bad days I felt like the song Creep from Radiohead

When I met my hubby 6 years ago I wasnt dare to believe that he indeed loved me too, and until the day we got married I had my doubts. Its not that he wasnt showing it, but it was me who didnt want to be dissapointed, so I prepared for the worse. He did all the best to show me his love and he really did anything for me and still does. He can smell it if I don’t feel well and he (usually) can handle me if I am stingy or in a bad mood.

I am really grateful that we found each other and I hope that it will last as long as we live. I am also thinking of having a baby.. before it wasnt the right timing coz we both hadnt had a steady job n income but for now i guess its about time, so, wish me luck guys……

It has been almost 10 months since we came back from germany and now I begin to miss the life I had back there. I knew it wont be easy and I know it will get harder as time passes by.

I should be happy, coz I have a great husband, I got a good job, all my needs are fulfilled… Well I AM happy, but still there is a glance of regrets. I miss the kind of freedom I had when I was living in Germany. The freedom to be myself.

As for here, living in Banda Aceh, especially during Ramadhan, is quite desperating for me. The working days are allright, I am busy doing my work in the office and lunch is still on the table. But the weekends are especially hard. Can’t buy food coz no one sells food. If I buy food (not ready-to-eat stuff but things like canned stuff, drinks, noodles) at the supermarket, they look at me as if I should be ashamed for not fasting. During daytime lots of stores are closed, and during buka puasa also, not to mention the mood of the people working in those stores. its like it was a sin if i want to shop and bother them. We even have to be careful if we dare to eat chocolate in the car in case someone sees us eating and felt offended. It seems to be expected from us to feel guilty for not fasting…doesnt seem right, doesnt it.

I guess I am a tolerant person. I tolerate and respect other people, and if they have to fast, I respect that. But is it too much if I expect a little bit of tolerance too ? Tolerance towards those who are not fasting, as example. Or for women who are not wearing head cover.

Well thats enough whining for today..lets see how I feel afterwards

Its already over a month ago that  I became 31 but everytime I am reminded of it I think "Oh s**t, already 31!". Time passes by so quickly and I feel like it hasn’t been so long ago since I graduated High School. As for now I am quite satisfied with my life, found my big love when I was 25, got married with him at 30, had the chance to live abroad for several years, got a good job when I came back.. my hubby will establish his own bussiness soon… so I have no reason to complain, and it makes life more easier. any comments??