Maria’s

Luv can be such a mistery..

I agree with what forrest gump said bout life, but I would change the word life into luv.. so Luv is like a box of chocolate, u never know what comes next.

In my past there was a bunch of men I admired but none of them was even slightly interested in me. Often felt like the ugly duckling, and on real bad days I felt like the song Creep from Radiohead

When I met my hubby 6 years ago I wasnt dare to believe that he indeed loved me too, and until the day we got married I had my doubts. Its not that he wasnt showing it, but it was me who didnt want to be dissapointed, so I prepared for the worse. He did all the best to show me his love and he really did anything for me and still does. He can smell it if I don’t feel well and he (usually) can handle me if I am stingy or in a bad mood.

I am really grateful that we found each other and I hope that it will last as long as we live. I am also thinking of having a baby.. before it wasnt the right timing coz we both hadnt had a steady job n income but for now i guess its about time, so, wish me luck guys……

It has been almost 10 months since we came back from germany and now I begin to miss the life I had back there. I knew it wont be easy and I know it will get harder as time passes by.

I should be happy, coz I have a great husband, I got a good job, all my needs are fulfilled… Well I AM happy, but still there is a glance of regrets. I miss the kind of freedom I had when I was living in Germany. The freedom to be myself.

As for here, living in Banda Aceh, especially during Ramadhan, is quite desperating for me. The working days are allright, I am busy doing my work in the office and lunch is still on the table. But the weekends are especially hard. Can’t buy food coz no one sells food. If I buy food (not ready-to-eat stuff but things like canned stuff, drinks, noodles) at the supermarket, they look at me as if I should be ashamed for not fasting. During daytime lots of stores are closed, and during buka puasa also, not to mention the mood of the people working in those stores. its like it was a sin if i want to shop and bother them. We even have to be careful if we dare to eat chocolate in the car in case someone sees us eating and felt offended. It seems to be expected from us to feel guilty for not fasting…doesnt seem right, doesnt it.

I guess I am a tolerant person. I tolerate and respect other people, and if they have to fast, I respect that. But is it too much if I expect a little bit of tolerance too ? Tolerance towards those who are not fasting, as example. Or for women who are not wearing head cover.

Well thats enough whining for today..lets see how I feel afterwards